


When the Dark Comes Rising

by Marchenland



Category: Star Wars
Genre: Dark?Rey, Gen, grey!rey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 11:42:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 14,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19973497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marchenland/pseuds/Marchenland
Summary: Darkness rises, and Light does not. Can a DarkSide Rey really be Light?





	1. Deserted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introductions

On a forested moon, two lovers explore each other’s bodies amid riotous revelry. 

Those tendrils of the universe reach out, coiling around them. If the couple feels them, they attribute it to each other’s bodies, to the lust and the love between them. 

Deep in the woman’s body, two cells collide and begin to divide. 

Across the galaxy, a dark mind reaches out and caresses the cells, whispering to them. 

***

The recruiter tried to walk carefully, but the sands shifted and rolled under her feet, even here in the outpost where many feet packed down the dusty ground. 

She narrowed her focus on the small girl dressed in dingy rags, carefully scrubbing some metal bit. That one looked promising, if a little old to begin training . The recruiter made her way to the pitted table where the girl was hard at work. 

“Hi,” she said. 

The girl looked up uncertainly, face scrunched, but said nothing. 

“Where are your parents?” 

The girl shrugged and looked back at her work, but muttered, “They flew away. Said they’d be back for me. That was a long time ago.”

The recruiter smirked. The child was not old enough to lose her milk teeth, so her idea of a long time was questionable. 

An elderly-looking man with striped skin sitting nearby wheezed. “They sold her to Plutt,” he rasped, his chin tilting toward the blubbery man who was bellowing at a pair of women in the nearby shade. “They aren’t coming back,” he whispered to the recruiter. “She doesn’t know.”

The recruiter pulled a blue-foiled sweet from her pocket and offered it to the girl. “Would you like to find them!” 

The girl glanced up, suddenly interested but then her face fell and she looked resigned. “I have to wait.” She took the sweet though, unwrapped it, and placed it thoughtfully in her mouth. She never passed up food, even though she knew it was never free. 

“I’m a member of an ancient order,” said the recruiter. “We can find anyone. Let us help you. You want to come with me.”

The galaxy itself seemed to tense, but few had the knowledge or the skill to feel it. Tendrils of destiny and power curled around the two as they faced each other on the desert. 

The girl smiled and stood up. 

The recruiter took her compliant little hand and led her to the ship. 

Unkar Plutt was furious when his little scavenger couldn’t be found. He’d had such plans for her.


	2. The Trooper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Personal rebellions, and another failure of the Light

“TL-7852, 50 sit-ups”

The child glares at her teacher. “That’s not my name.” 

“Make it 75.”

“It’s not my name! I’m... ”

“75 for all your classmates, then.”

That night, the class all file past her and each one punches her on their way to their beds.

“That’s how you learn,” says the trainer carelessly. 

***

Gera was not in the mood that night but her husband had sweet talked her into bed. The universe had surrounded them hotly, as they joined. It felt right in the moment. 

Eight children already and a now a ninth on the way. This one feels different somehow, more active, Gera thinks. 

When the child is born, they name him Yatera. He is a quiet child, but funny when he bothers. He takes chances, and never seems to miss. 

Three days after his 3rd birthday, he misses. He falls while climbing on the neighbor’s roof, and he doesn’t wake up. 

Gera didn’t know she’d miss him so much.


	3. Officer Material

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A reorganization, another failure, and a young hopeful Jedi leaves home

In a filthy alley on Coruscant, a teenager kisses her boyfriend hard. “I want you,” she says, and the boy is no fool. It’s the first time for both of them, and it’s over too soon. Those tendrils of fate caress the young lovers. His seed finds her egg. 

The boyfriend is long gone by the time the teenager realizes she’s pregnant. “No regrets,” she thinks to herself. 

Her daughter is beautiful and strong until a swamp-flu ravages the planet. 

Mother and baby daughter go into a mass grave. 

The universe coils in on itself, waiting, watching. 

***

“For our final agenda item, does anyone have any useful information on their recruits?” The Training Officer glances at her captains. 

Captain Elian speaks up. “We have had excellent response to the fish rations,” he announces. “The recruits’ iron counts are considerably better after three months.” 

The training officer makes a note to expand fish rations. 

Captain Tersa speaks next. “TL-7852 is officer material. She was difficult at first but after running a battery of tests on her, we’ve determined that she’s of significant intelligence. I think she should be transferred immediately. She’s frankly a detriment to her pod, and her pod isn’t doing her any good either.”

The training officer raises an eyebrow. Trooper recruits are rarely officer material. Those are usually recruited from wealthy families. It’s not unheard of to promote a Trooper candidate to officer training, but it is extremely unusual. 

“Have her records transmitted to my workpad, and I’ll interview her tomorrow.”

***

A young man kisses his mother goodbye, and shakes his father’s hand. He’s excited for this opportunity, but trepidation also stirs in him. 

The boy’s uncle stands behind him. “It’s for the best,” he assures his sister, the boy’s mother. 

“Such arrogance,” grouses a voice only the boy can hear.


	4. Promotions

“The high-princess Calladia and her husband, Prince-consort Dek are pleased to present their first born, Prince Caladre.” 

The infant squalls and waves his arms at the cheering crowd, his golden ringlets dancing in the breeze. 

The universe curls protectively around him, in his mother’s arms. 

The prince grows up strong, and he’s just started to think that sometimes things move on their own around him when an assassin’s poison finds its way into the family’s dinner. 

A revolution begins. 

This universe is not truly sentient but if it were, it would curse itself. 

Dark rises. 

Light stubbornly refuses to meet it. 

***

The training officer is not disappointed. 

“Henceforth, you are Cadet Menissa,” she tells the young recruit at the end of the interview. 

The dark eyes flash in the girl’s face. She doesn’t stop her self from thinking, “that’s not my name,” but she holds her tongue about that. 

“Thank you,” she says out loud. 

The new uniform is stiff, but less scratchy than the old trooper training gear. 

Officer training suits Menissa. She all but forgets her name or where she came from. 

***

A young man dreams darkly, rolls over and sees his master - his uncle! - poised to kill him. Foul voices in his head tell him what he must do. 

He’s barely aware of what he is doing as he slaughters the other students who are strongest. 

A ship is waiting for him when he’s done with his bloody work. He’s stained with blood and tears and slick with sweat. The recruiter stands on the ramp, waiting. “I’m here to take you to your destiny,” she tells him lightly. She doesn’t do dramatic pauses. She has no mustache to twirl. 

She hands him one of her infamous sweets. They are all drugged, of course. Blue wrappers make children compliant. Red wrappers knock them out cold. 

He’s too big for that, but the red-wrapped sweet lets him sleep. He’s grateful for the respite. 

When he wakes, the familiar voice is no longer just in his head. He meets his new master face-to-face for the the first time.


	5. The Droid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Menissa contemplates a possible droid and the arches a super nova

Lt. Menissa dials her workpad’s brightness down and scrubs her eyes. Her work is frustrating; honing the firing radius of the fore blasters. She’s sure she can improve their efficiency but for all her ability to speak the code almost like a second (actually, eighth) language, the dim AI that governs the firing is stubborn. 

She notices the enigmatic commander, Kylo Ren, standing at the fore window, looking out. He stands there a lot, she’s noticed. She wonders what he’s looking at. Or for. 

Then again, she’s wonders if he is even a man. No one knows. He’s taller than most humans and he stands still for so long that there are rumors he’s a droid. Some rumors are that he’s not human, but no one really thinks the First Order would be under the thumb of an alien. He walks like a man and his tantrums aren’t the kind of behavior one expects from a droid. It’s a persistent mystery. 

Menissa thinks he’s most likely scarred or damaged in some way. Perhaps he’s cybernetic like the great fallen Imperial leader, Vader. 

Messina tears her eyes away from the dark being. Whatever he is, thinking about him isn’t helping her work. 

She finds that she can’t stop thinking about him. 

Many cycles later, Messina is heading to the sparring gym. All officers are expected to train in weapons, hand-to-hand, and other arts. Messina is tall and she is naturally gifted in combat, though her specialty is a metal staff favored by few. 

As she approaches the deck 16 gym, she sees Kylo Ren again, staring out another window and like a fool, she joins him. 

If he’s aware of her, he gives no notice. 

Out in the distance, an interesting star formation is spitting light, green and blue bands. Some star ending its life, perhaps, or forging new matter from the energy within. Despite herself, she leans her head to the window. 

“It’s beautiful,” she says. 

Kylo Ren doesn’t stir. 

Like an idiot, she throws caution to the wind. She’s not wearing any insignia so no one should know her. She feels anonymous. 

“Sir,” she says shakily. “I know this is forward but you aren’t in my direct command chain... would you join me for dinner sometime?” 

His head swivels and the lifeless mask stares down at her. 

“He’s a Droid,” she thinks, ridiculously. “Or a cyborg so far gone, it might as well be a droid.”

The universe tenses, uncertainly. 

The silence stretches. She can feel him judging her, measuring her. Or is it a droid’s calculations? 

“No,” he rumbles, in that mechanical voice. Then his head swivels back to stare at the star show. 

She turns in disappointment but also relief and sprints to the gym, anxious to put distance between herself and... whatever Kylo Ren is.


	6. The Unexplored World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Menissa explores and an unexpected invitation

The universe tries again and again. 

A wealthy businessman knocks up his young mistress. The child dies of an unknown disease. 

The universe sucks into itself a little. 

Darkness rises. 

And Light... does not. 

***

Officers get a 3-shift off every 1 cycle, and 3 cycles off every 60. This is a step up; troopers get a 3-shift off every 2 cycles, and 2 cycles off every 60.

On Messina’s next 3-shift off, she rides the shuttle down to the planet that is now known as Starkiller Base and takes the autotransit out to gate 73b. 

She disembarks and punches her codes in, and a heavy white door swings open. She zips her thick jacket up and steps out into the snow. 

About 3 clicks out she finds her latest quarry, a cave she’s exploring. She takes down the temperature outside before stepping in. This cave is always 23 marks higher than outside. 

She’s already captured drawings and her best descriptions of the things that live in the cave: a furred creature that comes to her knee but appears to be harmless and unafraid; a kind of lizard thing that lives high on the walls; a clear creature with too many legs and no apparent eyes that lives in the lake in the 3rd cave. 

Today, she sets off for cave 5. She pats the furry creature snoozing on a ledge in cave 2 as she passes, and it stretches and trills in response. 

Cave 5 is just a ledge and a deep pit. The walls arch high in a dome over the yaw. Menissa has no idea how deep it is. She pulls a harness from her pack and dons it, lashing a rope to a large rock formation near the opening back to cave 4. She clips in and carefully begins her descent into the pit. At about 15 feet down, she switches off her headlamp. 

There it is, what she’s looking for: a glow a few feet below her to the left in the depths of 5. She carefully scales the wall, reaching it, and plucks a metal pick from her belt to begin worrying at the glowing mineral. 

She has no idea what it is but finally it falls heavily into her hand. It’s small but the white glow seems to brighten as she holds it. 

There are larger ones but they are deeper and she has the sample she needs. 

At the cave mouth, she sits for a while and pulls out her journal to draw what she sees: forest and snow. It’s not a bad landscape. She’s not going to win any art awards but she likes drawing. 

A ray of late afternoon sun streams through the tree above her. 

She thinks about the name that no longer feels like hers. She thinks about what she left behind, about what might have become of her life had she stayed. She imagines it would have been short and brutish: the lawlessness of Jakku is not kind to children. She is thankful she was taken from there, now that she knows the truth. The First Order is maybe a little boring but they are working to bring order to the galaxy. Abusers like Plutt should never have control over children. She realizes now what he had planned for her. 

The crystal glows in her pack. 

The universe tenses, just a little. 

*** 

3 cycles later, after a quiet 2nd shift, there’s a surprising message amid the reports and requests for data and banter about the bruise she left on Lt. Selled’s butt during their last sparring match. 

It’s a simple invitation, if you want to call it that. “You will join me,” and a date and time but no location. It’s signed KR. 

“Hmmmm. Interesting,” she thinks.


	7. Unexpected sights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A visit to the Commander’s chambers.

On the appointed day, she dresses in an austere high-necked dark dress, one of the few outfits she has that is not a uniform. She keeps her hair in the severe neat twist that female officers wear more out of custom than rules. The dress is tight over her torso and flares out at the waist. It looks good with her boots. 

Then she waits. If he knew who she was, then she assumes he’s coming to her. She glances around her apartment. Officers get their own space but hers is devoid of decoration and not the best place to entertain. When they socialize, most officers do so in the public spaces on deck 12. Troopers have their own spaces on decks 13 and 14. She’s sure that higher echelon officers have nicer spaces but she’s never been, of course. All in good time. 

A knock on her door reveals a stormtrooper who informs her that she is to come with him. 

That makes more sense, she realizes. 

The trooper escorts her to a lift and they ride down in silence. He’s armed and she wonders if he thinks she’s in trouble. 

She wonders if she is in trouble, actually. 

At deck 3, they disembark and she is led to a plain door. The trooper knocks and the door slides open. Menissa feels a frisson of something like fear and anticipation and destiny. 

She steps in to the belly of the beast and the door slides closed. 

“Lieutenant,” breathes the droid, as she now thinks of him. “You wished an audience?” 

He’s standing near the window, looking out as always. 

The rooms are what she expected: all straight lines, gray on black, underlit and tidy, much larger than her tiny rooms. There’s something that might be alien art on the wall. A fresher door in one corner and what must be the door to a bedroom next to it. The wall-to-ceiling window looks out on the same star field that he always watches. 

“No sir,” she says. “I didn’t ask for an audience with you. I asked you to dinner.” Her face reddens. She’s a fool. 

He flicks a hand, gloved of course. “Join me,” he says smoothly. 

She walks to him, unsteady. 

“I asked you here tonight because the star system we watched together on 16 is entering a new phase. I thought you’d appreciate it.” He indicates the spitting star. New bands of red and orange are now emerging from the system, joining the greens and blues. 

“It’s dying,” he says simply. 

“Like a khalee,” she replies. 

“What?” 

“The khalee is an ocean creature found on a planet in the Bekker system. It’s plain to look at but when it reaches the end of its life, it opens up its valves and siphons and sails on the ocean surface, rippling color. I’ve seen it in holovids. It’s stunning. Uhm. Sorry. I’m into natural history. The diversity of life.”

“An unusual pursuit for a First Order Officer.”

“I suppose.”

“Is that why you don’t socialize much and disappear into the Starkiller hinterlands on your 3-shifts off?” 

She starts. 

“Are you spying on me?” 

Kylo Ren scoffs. “Hardly. I’m not your direct commander as you pointed out on our last meeting, but I am privy to any First Order information I choose to consume. Your movements have caused some interest but you will be pleased to know that your commander has been instructed to leave you in peace about it.”

“Oh,” Menissa says, startled. “Uh, thank you.”

His voice changes a little. “I am curious, though. What exactly do you do when you leave the base?”

“I explore. I am cataloging the life on the planet. I put it all in a journal.”

“Tell me more,” he says and so she stands at a window overlooking a dying star and she tells the commander of the First Order about what she’s found, about her journal of drawings and findings. 

“... and after that, I lost hold on its neck and it kicked me off its back right into a puddle of the foulest smelling goop I’ve ever encountered. I had to hike back. Everyone on the autotransit was furious with me.”

She’s laughing as she tells him about her misadventure of trying to ride one of the ungulates that range near station 83 when she sees a hitch in his shoulders. 

She thinks he’s suppressing a laugh too. 

They had relocated to a couch and he’d brought her a glass of wine, though he had none himself. She’s vaguely aware that she’s been regaling him with her boring hobby for ages. She feels so comfortable with him. It’s odd. 

“I’ve talked enough,” she says. “I’m sorry. Tell me about yourself?” 

“There’s little to tell,” he says. “I command a small group of knights. I kill. I research. I write reports. I watch the sky.”

“Not a droid,” she thinks. “A man.”

“What’s under that mask?” she ventures. 

“A monster.”

“Show me?”

“Aren’t you afraid?” His voice sharpens. 

She shakes her head. “No.”

“You should be,” he says flatly. There is no laughter in his voice. 

She stands and walks to the counter to refill her glass. Instead of sitting again, she stops to stand in front of him. 

They look at each other for a long while, the air growing heavy. He’s seated so he’s forced to look up at her, or at least to tilt that implacable mask up toward her. 

“Take it off,” she says, caution thrown to the stars. The wine has made her too bold. He should strike her down where she stands for making such a demand. 

“You won’t like what you see.” 

“I don’t care.” 

He sighs. His voice is softer now, resigned. “The release is under the chin. You can take it off me.” 

They stay like that for a while. She lied. She is scared. 

Menissa sets her wineglass down on the table next to Kylo Ren. Then she reaches under his chin and her nimble fingers find the latch. She shivers and pulls. 

The front potion of the mask slides out and down. 

She stares, unsure what to do. 

“You’ll have to lift it off my head,” he suggests. His voice is muffled now, distant from the modulator. His hands are fists in his lap, his shoulders hunched in what surely is some kind of misery. Nothing moves. 

Slowly she does as he’s suggested, until he is there, bare faced and pale. He doesn’t meet her eye. 

At first, it makes no sense. “You look...”

“Like a monster, I know.”

“No!” She responds. “Normal. But why?”

He shrugs, still looking at a place somewhere past her. “Intimidation. To keep me safe. No one messes with a monster in a mask. I have the upper hand. Without it, I’m young. And ugly.”

Menissa reassesses his face. The clear brown eyes and thin, noble nose. The mouth, lips red and wide. The high forehead and dark waves of hair sweeping down. A few freckles. A hint of beard under olive-toned skin pale from lack of light. He does look young, but ugly? 

“Not just normal. Not ugly. Beautiful,”  
she breathes. 

Kylo Ren grasps Menissa’s wine glass and drains it, sloshing some as he does. 

“I think it’s time for you to be going,” he says thickly. 

She withdraws. He doesn’t stand or look at her again. 

She’s feeling disappointed as a Stormtrooper materializes from near the elevator and escorts her back to her rooms, but she’s still alive and now she’s seen something few have: the commander’s face. 

***

A polyamorous collective on the shores of a pale pink lake welcomes its 27th child. A farming accident leaves her brain dead. 

The universe despairs.


	8. Return to the Cave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Menissa shows Kylo Ren the cave and everyone gets wounded

It’s a surprise when a cycle later, there’s another message on her datapad. “No mask this time. Dinner. Bring your journal,” it reads, and a time and date. 

Something seems to uncoil in her. Excitement. 

Menissa realizes she quite likes the commander. He’s not smooth or particularly kind, but something about him is interesting. 

She wears her only other dress, a light gray affair with subtle beading on the hem, and she leaves her dark hair down. She dons the glowing crystal from Cave 5, which she’s mounted in a length of simple silver-colored tubular metal reclaimed from an engineering project, and added to a long chain. It hangs almost to her belly. 

The same trooper escorts her again. 

Kylo Ren is seated in his mask when she arrives. She’s disappointed but as soon as the door swishes closed, he fingers the clasp under his chin and lifts it off, rising to greet her. 

“I have to apologize for last time,” he begins just as she starts to babble, “I’m so sorry about...” and breaks off, laughing. He doesn’t laugh but he does smile wanly. 

“Join me,” he says, indicating the couch next to him. 

He opens a decanter of wine and pours two glasses, holding one out to her, then he sits again and asks, “Have you been out again? Recorded any new finds?” 

Menissa shakes her head no, but opens her journal and begins to tell him about the clear leggy creatures in the cave lake, showing him her drawings. 

As she leans over to offer the journal for a closer look, the crystal swings out between them. 

Kylo Ren gasps. “Where... what did... can I see that?” he stutters, eyes wide. 

“I found it in the same cave. There’s loads of it but most of it is too deep for me to reach and too big to handle.” She lifts the chain off her neck and as he takes it, she feels something strange, a sense of fear. She realizes after a moment that it’s not her own fear but terror coming in waves from the crystal like a ludow cowering in a corner after being kicked. 

“Do you know what this is?” he demands. 

“No. I’ve tried some tests but nothing has come close to identifying the mineral” she admits. 

“It’s kyber,” he says. “It’s what we build lightsabers around. It’s not a stone; it’s a living being. We believed we’d mined all the useful kyber from the planet already.”

“But I thought lightsabers were red?” she admits. “I’ve only ever seen yours, in holos.”

“Mind is red because it’s been bled. Because I’ve killed with its power and poured the... my thoughts into it. The kyber turns. Like I said, they’re alive.”

He picks up his datapad and makes some adjustments. “You have the next 3-cycle off. Tomorrow, you show me the cave.” It’s not a question, but not quite an order. 

She’s feeling a little light-headed with all of this. “Of course.”

He stands and smiles, gesturing toward the table and offering her his hand. “Dinner?”

The food is not the rations she’s used to. The conversation flows easily. 

When she returns to her own quarters, she’s giddy. 

*** 

They take his shuttle down to Starkiller and arrive at the autotransit station at First Gong, which signals the start of the first shift. There are few people about during shifts, only those troopers who are patrolling and officers with business in other sectors. They ride in silence to 73b. 

Once they’ve cleared the station, he removes the mask. 

“It’s not particularly comfortable,” he comments. 

At the cave, he leaves the mask and his over-cloak behind, piled with her backpack, and they start to journey into the cave system. 

“Oh, this is the little fuzzy beast I mentioned,” she says as they pass by one of the little creatures. It trills and rubs up against Kylo Ren’s boot. He stares down at it, an unreadable expression on his face.

“It seems to like you!”, Menissa laughs, and bends to chuck it under its chin. 

Kylo Ren looks confused or conflicted, perhaps, but he bends down and pats it awkwardly. 

When he stands, he nearly brains himself in a stalactite. It leaves a gash on his scalp and he grumbles that he should have worn his mask after all. 

After Menissa has ascertained that the wound is superficial, they set off into the cave system. 

Kylo Ren splashes through the lake edge in 3 and the crystal creatures cower away from him. The lake is high today, Menissa notices. 

When they reach cave 5, she switches off her torch. A little light filters in from an opening high above but it’s dim. The crystals deep in the pit flare into light. 

Kylo Ren gasps. This cave is a treasure trove of kyber. His face goes slack and white in the dimness and his hands drop. 

“Sir?” Menissa says, stepping toward him. 

Everything seems to happen at once. The kyber around them seems to scream - voiceless but full of fury. Menissa can hear it but it is directed at Kylo Ren. He sinks to his knees as if he’s been shot. 

Menissa steps toward him but her foot snags on a rocks and she tumbles toward the pit. 

Kylo Ren is holding himself like he’s been punched but he pushes himself forward, grabbing at her. He catches her arm just as she falls, and she slams heavily into the ledge. Her feet scramble for a toehold and she finds one small notch with her toe, and starts struggling to pull herself up. Kylo Ren, still gasping, pulls and she feels herself slide up the side of the wall. With a final pull from him and a push of her feet, Menissa lands on all fours on the cave ledge. There’s a dull thud as she lands, her head cracking into the stone wall. 

“Are you ok?” Kylo Ren asks, gasping. 

Menissa doesn’t respond. 

In the gloom, he realizes her eyes are closed and there’s darkness pooling on her forehead. It’s hard for him to think, with the kyber screaming in his head, but he has to. He’s no stranger to voices in his head, after all. 

He grabs her up in his arms and charges back through the caves. 

In the relative brightness of cave 1, he sets her down gently. He can see the bruise forming on Menissa’s forehead, and blood clotting there. Her pants and legs are cut up from the scraping on the ledge, but those seem minor. He’s never been very good at Force healing; it’s a Light-Side talent he doesn’t need much. On the Dark side, you win or you die, and if you’re wounded, you most likely die. 

He tugs his helmet and over-cloak on, slings Menissa’s pack onto his shoulder, and picks her up again, beginning the trudge back to the autotransit. 

The few others on the autotransit look confused but they find other things to look at than the strange sight of their Dark side commander carrying an unconscious under-officer. 

*** 

On a gambling world, a stable boy mesmerizes his friends with acrobatics that seem beyond his small body’s capabilities. He grins and bows to their cheers.


	9. Recovery and Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Menissa convalesces. Kylo isn’t lying. He isn’t!

Menissa wakes with a headache unlike anything since the time she has a drinking contest with Lt. Broadleaf on holiday. 

She jerks into awareness when she realizes she’s in a medical bay and Kylo Ren is sitting near her, watching her through his mask. 

“How are you feeling?” he ask. 

“What happened?” 

“You fell over the ledge. I caught you but when I pulled you back up, you hit your head on the wall. You’ve been out for several hours.”

Menissa groans. 

“You’ll be here for a few days. We are still on Starkiller Base.” Kylo Ren indicates his datapad. “You’re on leave until you are back to normal.”

“What happened to you, sir?” Menissa asks. “Before I fell...?”

“The kyber... objected to my presence. I told you, it’s alive. I am not well liked by wild kyber. What I do... it upsets the kyber’s delicate sensibilities. It bleeds. It whines.” He unclips his lightsaber and hefts it as he regards it. “It cries. And in sufficient mass, it attacks.” 

Menissa can barely understand what he’s telling her. “It... attacked, sir?”

“Mentally. Through the Force,” he explains. He looks troubled, chewing the insides of his mouth. She’s noticed he does this when he’s thinking something over. “Keep this whole thing to yourself. I need to think about what to do. Starkiller is being built on a much bigger power base than the First Order realizes. I’m...” he pauses. “I’m not sure how I want to proceed.”

Menissa’s eyes are drooping closed. 

“Oh, and stop calling me sir. Kylo will do.” 

***

“My apprentice. Tell me what you have found.” Snoke booms, his oily voice dripping with condescension. 

“The Starkiller planet is home to more kyber than we thought. I am not sure if it’s a significant amount. It may be just a small vein we previously missed.” Kylo lies carefully; small lies of omission and degree are easier. 

“And this girl who took you to it?”

“A lower officer. She’s nothing.” He’s not lying. He doesn’t think he’s lying, anyway. He tucks that doubt deep down, to examine later, away from his master’s prying gaze. 

“You have compassion for her?” Snoke chuckles, as if Kylo Ren is a child performing a trick beyond its ken. 

“No,” Kylo Ren says, modulating his voice, willing himself not to draw Snoke’s attention to her. “She intrigues me, is all. She’s brave to willingly tangle with me. Who wouldn’t be impressed by that?” 

Kylo Ren longs to gnaw at the inside of his mouth but doesn’t. Any weakness - real or perceived - is dangerous. He treasures the small secrets and little rebellions he hides from Snoke. He sometimes lies about small things of no consequence just to know that his master doesn’t know everything. 

“As long as you are not too distracted, my apprentice, you may keep her. Do not let her become a problem.” Snoke commands, and waves his hand dismissively. Kylo withdraws. 

*** 

A fish-like creature lays eggs that are fertilized by his partner. They clutch grows quickly, and one of the fries is a little different. His first foray into the world is met by a hungry grast. The fish creatures have many offspring; a few less each outing is expected.


	10. Sparring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Menissa and Kylo Ren get into some fights.

The dinners continue every few cycles, then more frequently, but Menissa can’t decide if they are dates or business meetings. The food is often just rations, so she assumes the latter. There’s never a hint of impropriety. She feels giddy after them but she knows she’s being silly. 

He asks her to research specific things about the planet, but he doesn’t ask to accompany her again. She identifies the mountainous regions that she thinks include caves. She is estimates the depth of the lakes. She collects kyber and mineral and water samples from different areas. He gives her use of a snow speeder and arranges 3-shifts off to conduct her studies so she isn’t using her time off to do extra work for him. 

After their eighth dinner together, she mentions sparring with him and he accepts. 

“No lightsaber, I hope?” Menissa says lightly. “I’d like to survive.”

He nods gravely. “I’d prefer that you survive as well,” he says, his voice steady and serious. 

Later, she wonders if that’s just how he jokes. 

***

Sparring with Kylo Ren is a wonder. He’s graceful and powerful, like an animal when he fights, exactly the opposite of the tightly-buttoned face he shows at other times. He growls and he curses. He trash talks. He strips down to sleeveless shirts and she sees his scars, pale against his sun-starved flesh. He works himself and her into a lather until sweat pours off them. He calls his shots but he never pulls them. 

He treats her like his equal, which she is clearly not. 

And he puts bacta on her wounds with practiced hands of a man who has patched himself up a thousand times, and critiques her afterwards, bluntly but not unkindly. 

Menissa loses more often than she wins but now when she spars with other officers, she flattens them. 

They spar is his private gymnasium, which connects to his quarters, and clean up in his rooms after. Sometimes they fight together against training droids. 

At first, he’s always untouched but as time passes, she gives as good as she gets until they leave each other bruised and occasionally bloody. He still wins, but she steadily improves. 

***

“Like this,” Kylo Ren says. He steps behind her, imitating her stance and reaches down her arm to adjust her grip on the practice saber. He’s agreed to teach her some saber forms, which is thrilling. The lightsaber, of course, is sacred and off-limits but the forms are beautiful. 

As his hand touches Menissa’s to adjust her grip, there’s a slight change in the air. Her hip is nestled into his pelvis. She shifts into him ever so slightly and he... freezes. Menissa sees the hair stand up on his bare arm. 

“Now or never,” she thinks and turns under his arm, pushes her face to his, and kisses him. 

He doesn’t kiss her back. He just stares, still frozen, his eyes unfocused like a droid that’s been switched off and then back on too quickly. 

“Oh kriff,” she gasps. She’s made a huge mistake. She pulls out of his slack arms and backs away. “I thought... I’m sorr...” She covers her mouth with her hands. She’s just ruined it all. 

Kylo Ren’s eyes snap up to hers, coming into focus. They are blazing in his otherwise blank face. He grinds his teeth and she can see a nerve in his forehead jump. He crosses the floor in long steps to where she is still retreating. 

“I’m going to die,” thinks Menissa. “He’s going to kill me.” She feels faint, and raises her arms in defense or supplication, she’s not sure which. 

He grabs her by the arms and pulls her in, even as she cringes away from him. Then she realizes that she’s not killing her. He’s kissing her now, with a heat and passion he normally reserves for the fight. 

Menissa doesn’t have a lot of experience in these matters, but she’s never been so confused. Or excited. 

When he pulls away, they are both panting. 

“I didn’t know,” he says simply, and she’s not sure if he means her feelings for him or his for her. 

She retreats to the fresher awkwardly and when she’s cleaned up, he’s nowhere to be seen. She lets herself out and hopes she hasn’t ruined it all.


	11. Hux’s Spy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren discovers Hux’s tactics.

“Supreme Leader,” snarls Hux. “Ren’s slut is a problem.”

“Is she a distraction?” roars Snoke. 

“No!” protests Kylo Ren from the floor where they are both pinned face down by the Supreme Leader’s Force. 

Kylo will kill Hux for calling her a slut. They haven’t slept together even though they both know it’s going to happen. They’ve decided to move as slowly as they can. It’s a delicate and exquisite torture. He thinks of it as a kind of training. 

“General,” asks Snoke, almost purring, almost sweetly, “what is the problem?”

“He’s... different,” spits Hux, realizing belatedly how childish he sounds. 

“You are jealous,” pronounces Snoke, rearing back and slamming Hux into the ground with his dark powers. “I see it in you. Are you jealous of him that he’s found a plaything? Or perhaps you envy the girl who slides her hands into Ren’s hair?” 

Hux, face down on the ground, goes redder than ever at this and Kylo almost does too but thanks his luck that he doesn’t blush so easily as the redhead. 

Snoke chuckles without mirth. “I don’t care, General. I understand my apprentice is much less inclined to destroy the furniture these days. He has not let me down. Get up!” He commands Kylo. Hux doesn’t try to move, pinned where he lies. Kylo scrambles to his feet. 

“Is she a distraction!” asks Snoke again, quietly. He leans forward, and his hologram looms. 

“Never, Supreme Leader,” Kylo Ren replies. He’s not lying. He’s not. He’s not. 

“Then get out, both of you, and never bring your petty squabbles to me again, General.” Hux, released, scrambles out in terror to escape his master and Kylo’s fury. 

Snoke’s hologram disappears. 

***

Cycles pass. Menissa spends most of her free time in his rooms, though she still works. Her old friends, such as they were, ask where she’s been but she puts them off. Kylo has her moved to a series a terrible projects but somehow gets moved, eventually, to a project in an outside chain of command that does not report to Hux. She supposes that means that Kylo is her boss but she can’t see how. No one in the First Order reports directly to him. 

She is a little sorry she can’t share the truth with anyone but she realizes it will hurt them both if it were out. 

After that first kiss, he’d disappeared to a meeting with Snoke. The next time she’d seen him, he was pale and had new bruises, and didn’t speak much. 

She occasionally sees General Hux who refuses to look at her. She has a feeling he’s aware of the situation but she no longer reports to him so she stays out of his way. 

It’s a dangerous dance they perform. 

***

Kylo Ren is called away. He’s often gone for several cycles at a time, for work related to his duties. Menissa isn’t exactly sure what he does and he’s not very vocal about it. 

On this particular trip, he leaves his mask and his usual clothes behind, opting for a set of formal clothes more typically reserved for something upscale. He wrinkles his nose when Menissa asks, muttering about banking guilds. 

“You can stay in my rooms,” he tells her. 

Later, General Hux storms into his room, yelling. “Ren, what are you doing bac... “ His voice trails off as he sees just Menissa holding a cup of caf, then he turns on heel and storms out again. 

***

When Kylo returns, she reports this to him, and he mulls it over. 

Kylo eventually walks over to his closet and pulls out his coat and belt, looking at them carefully. Finally he seems to find what he’s looking for, picking at a seam in the belt. “Idiot,” he says quietly. 

Menissa gasps. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t...”

Kylo looks up. “Not you. No! You just helped me figure something out. I’ve thought got for some time that Hux has been tracking me. This confirms it.” He holds up a small chip. 

“Why would General Hux track you?” Menissa asks. This makes no sense. 

“Hux doesn’t trust me, nor I him. He’s jealous of my position. Jealous of my abilities. He will do anything to get ahead, including trying to hurt me.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Do you remember I said no when you first asked me to meet you?” Kylo Ren asks. “I had to find out about you. I thought you were another of Hux’s spies. There have been many. Using a pretty officer to get under my skin is just his style.”

“Why would he spy on you?” Menissa is dumbfounded. She barely registers that he’s called her pretty. 

“We don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things. He’s a small minded bigot with stolen power. His plans for the galaxy are... weak.” Kylo turns and stares out the windows again, still holding the chip. 

Later, he puts it back. “No point in letting him know I’m on to him,” he remarks.


	12. Awakenings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Menissa learn something that will change everything

“Tell me about your powers,” she asks him one evening. They are lying in his bunk, and she’s tracing the spaces between the freckles on his bare chest. 

“They aren’t powers,” he retorts. 

“Ok. Tell me anyway.”

“Not everyone uses the Force the same way. I’m not very good at forcing my will on others, what they call mind tricks. I’m exceptionally good at moving things and I can look into people’s thoughts with effort.”

“You can read minds?” Menissa laughs. She sits up. “Quick. What number am I thinking?” 

“It’s not like that,” he snorts. But he puts his hand on her face and gazes inward, his eyes going unfocused. 

“I see... sands, high dunes. A place you knew once. You wonder if you’d be dead if you stayed. I see an alien you hate. I can bring him to you if you really want to make him pay. I see... happiness. Happiness with me, here.” His voice is soft. 

He pushes deeper, and his voice quickens. “I see unfulfilled promise and vast destiny. Interesting. I see a woman who broke a promise. I have news for you: I know her and she’s still around. You’d kill her if you could. That can be arranged. I see your parents...”

Menissa gasps and she *pushes* back. 

Kylo Ren’s head snaps back. His lightsaber, on the other side of the room, sails into his hand at his wordless command. And Menissa sees everything inside him. A crying child begging his distracted mother to hold him. A bearded man holding a green lightsaber above him, fury in his eyes. A young boy wrapped in a warm and very furry embrace. Kylo Ren slammed over and over, into walls and floors by a gruesome creature. A trip in a borrowed star freighter and an angry man - his father? - afterward. Cruel laughter of children. Cruel laughter of a vicious master. The fallen hero Lord Vader watching over it all as Kylo crawls toward him. 

It’s over as fast it started, and Menissa is sobbing and Kylo is crawling away from her with a stricken expression, to lean against the wall by his bunk, knees up as if to protect himself from her. Menissa curls into a ball, confused and terrified. 

“Did you know?” he demands, voice tight with anger and fear. What has she done? 

“Know what?” Menissa sobs. “What just happened?” 

He leaps out of his bunk and is throwing on his clothes. 

“Stay here,” he orders. 

She’s seen that look before. Snoke is demanding his presence again. 

***

“What have you kept from me?” roars his master, standing up in his holo to maximize the effect. 

“Nothing! I didn’t know. And she had no idea. I’m sure of that. She’s strong in the Force, master. So strong. I saw great destiny in her.” He knows he’s pleading. He knows he sounds weak. 

Snoke rubs his chin thoughtfully. 

“And you’ve taught her to fight. Interesting. Leave me. I have much to consider.”

***

When Kylo Ren returns, he doesn’t say much except to apologize to her, but he holds her tightly. His anger is gone. But there’s a calculating look in his eyes.

The universe pauses, tense in anticipation.


	13. New Moons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo is called away and Menissa is sent away

It’s the evening of her 3-cycle off and as they finish eating, Kylo’s datapad chimes. He glances at it and scowls. 

“I have to leave the system for a few cycles,” he says. “Knights of Ren business.” 

This happens once in a while. He never tells her what he does but the last time, he came back with tragedy in every step. 

He stands and starts to don his cowl. 

“What? Now?” Menissa asks. She’s annoyed for no real reason except that it takes him away from her and puts him in danger. Usually he leaves the next day. 

Kylo Ren doesn’t say more. He kisses her before he dons his mask. 

“Let yourself out,” he says. “Or you can stay. You have the codes. I don’t mind.” 

She stays. 

***

In the morning, Menissa’s datapad is blinking. She’s on first shift but there’s a message that she’s being reassigned for a few days. There’s a shuttle gate and a time that she’s to report. “Basic and battle gear,” it says. 

She’s never seen anything like it. She’s an engineer; she never goes on battle missions except for training. 

***

She stands at the shuttle gate, waiting. It’s quiet in this area, and she’s alone. Not a group exercise, then. 

The shuttle pilot arrives, and silently nods to her as they board. 

“Where am I going?” Menissa asks. 

The shuttle pilot doesn’t answer. 

Later, much later, they arrive and she’s gestured off the shuttle with a dismissive hand wave. A figure waits for her - tall and draped in thin gauze, when it speaks, it’s in a feminine rasp. “Welcome, combatant,” she says. 

Menissa shudders. 

The figure is pale and gray with angular features and sharp designs on her face. Makeup, tattoos, augmentations? Menissa can’t tell. 

Strange green gasses are rising around her, and she realizes she’s losing consciousness.


	14. New Knights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Nightsisters procure new Knights. Menissa fights unknown adversaries.

When she wakes, she’s on the ground but she’s been moved. It’s misty and she can’t see far but she’s in a circle. She’s dressed in some kind of armor and she’s heavily armed. The weapons are real. She’s not entirely sure who she is. Her mind is fuzzy. 

“Awaken, combatants!” a rasping commands. “It is time to fight. Fight to the death!”

It’s only when a man twice her size comes barreling out of the mist that she understands. She sidesteps and brings her staff down on his neck and he slumps to the ground and does not move. 

*** 

High above the proving grounds, a man in a mask watches the proceedings. His knights are running thin and his contacts have searched the galaxy for new recruits. 

“The finest of fighters, my lord,” crows the creature on his left. “Some are Force sensitive.”

He looks on approvingly. 

***

The fighting goes on and on. She’s always been covered in the blood of her enemies. She’s never known anything but battle. She’s killed since her first breath. She will kill until her last. 

She slips on entrails as she rushes toward another fighter, a woman smaller than herself who has just dispatched a tall gangly alien. 

The small woman clobbers Menissa in the thigh with a club and Menissa drops to her knees. Pain sears through Menissa as the woman raises a long dagger. 

*** 

The man in the mask says “Stop. There are 2 left. That’s good.”

“My lord,” says the witch agreeably, and she waves her hand casually. 

***

Menissa struggles to get up but her adversary doesn’t attack. Menissa realizes she can’t move. 

A voice booms out, “Fighters, cease. You are chosen.” 

Green gasses rise and Menissa slumps. She’s pleased to see the woman also sliding to the ground. 

*** 

Kylo wonders which of the two fighters would have prevailed. The smaller one had gotten a good blow on the larger one’s leg. But he’d liked the way the larger one fought. He - or she, he acknowledged; it was hard to tell - had a good style. Familiar. 

*** 

When Menissa wakes, she’s back in her own quarters, and except for her aching arms and a massive bruise on her thigh, she would think she dreamed it all. 

She spends a long time in the fresher. 

***

“Your recruitment was successful?” asks Snoke. It’s more a pronouncement than question. 

“Yes, my lord. Two new knights. One is a force user, according to the Sisters.” 

Snoke chuckles quietly. “How wonderful,” he says. “We will begin their training very soon.”

“And training for Menissa... “ Kylo begins, but Snoke cuts him off. 

“Leave that for now,” he says. His voice sounds strange.


	15. Realizations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo realizes a lot of things all at once

Menissa’s datapad buzzes. High priority message. 

“Back. Come by when you get this. - K.”

***

When Menissa walks in, Kylo Ren notices she’s walking stiffly. 

She notices he’s looking rather pleased. 

“How was your mission? Put any resistance fighters to their rights? Free any worlds from lawlessness?” She asks. It’s a running joke. 

“Not that kind of mission. Are you ok?” he asks. 

She limps toward him, grimacing when she sits. “I’m not sure.” She pauses. She wants to tell him but it sounds crazy. “I had a really weird experience while you were gone.”

He stills. “What do you mean?” he asks quietly. 

“It’s like a dream. I was fighting... I got hurt... I killed so many people.” The reality of what she has experienced comes rushing back, and she feels weak, tears springing to her eyes. She’s never killed anyone before. Not directly. Her cannons have but it’s not the same. Is it? 

Kylo Ren looks positively sick, his face going grey. 

“Show me where you got hurt,” he commands. He still thinks it’s a joke, or a coincidence. 

He knows it isn’t. 

She slides her pants down one leg. A massive bruise discolors her thigh. 

“Oh no,” he says. “No.” He sits down heavily. 

Snoke... knew. 

Kylo rages inside. 

***

Kylo Ren doesn’t know what to do. 

He can’t forbid it, or Snoke will know that she’s not just a toy. That is a weakness for him and will be deadly for her. 

He can’t allow it; his knights have expiry dates. They never live long. 

He’d hoped to train her but he never thought about the possibility of using - or losing - her in battle. 

He realizes he loves her. 

He realizes this is a disaster. Nothing prepared him for this. 

Worthless masters, all of them.


	16. Nissa Ren

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Menissa gets yet another name

“Absolutely not.” Kylo crosses his arms. He’s made a decision. 

“Yes, absolutely. If I am chosen, if I was good enough to defeat them, then I can and will.” So has she. 

“This isn’t a game, Menissa.”

“Are you afraid I won’t fight for you? You should know I would.” She crosses her arms, too, angrily mocking his resolve. 

“I’d be your commander.” He’s desperately looking for a good excuse. 

Melissa rolls her eyes at that. “You already are. I can always go back to working under General Hux,” she spits. 

She has him there. Neither of them want that. Hux would have her killed just to get revenge on Kylo. 

“You don’t understand...” 

“What,” she demands. “That it’s dangerous? That you risk your life every mission? That I wonder if you’ll come back every time? We are at war. We have a galaxy to protect. I should just sit on my ass and sweet-talk weapons systems?”

“I can’t protect you, if you accept.” 

“I happen to think I don’t need protection. And I don’t think saying no is really a choice I get to make.” 

She is right about that, too. 

“Fine,” he said. “You start training tomorrow. But I’m not training you.”

“Who is?” 

“You’ll see. Let’s just pretend this isn’t happening for one more night.”

***

“Who” turned out to be the woman from the moon, Shellish, and her colleagues. Snoke had agreed to that. Kylo was relieved that Snoke hadn’t insisted on training her himself. She’s not good at holding her tongue. She’d be dead in no time under Snoke’s tutelage. 

He’d accompanied her as far as the moon where her trials had been, but no farther. He was distant and moody as he bid her farewell. 

“How long will I be here?” 

“Until you master the basics of the Force.”

She was a quick study. It wouldn’t be long. 

***

Training is hard. She’d known it would be but not that it would be cycles spent meditating, then fighting. Or drinking poisons that twist her perceptions, seeing nightmares, waking up weak, in places she didn’t know, naked and attacked by familiar faces, left to freeze, left to burn, only to wake back up in her narrow bunk being prodded to wake up and start over again. 

Days - they didn’t call them 3-cycles here - pass into weeks and months, new ways to measure time away from artificial light and dark of the First Order ships and bases. She stops crying at night. She stops fainting from the green gaseous fumes. She stops hallucinating. She builds a weapon, something like a double-bladed saber. She stops losing battles. The crystal that powers her weapon is one she freed from a cave so long ago. The crystal burns in her mind. She unleashes it on quarry after quarry until it glows a warm white. The women who train her examine the staff minutely and mutter over it; she does not know why. They send her after still more foes, examining the staff after each excursion. Eventually they seem to accept it, whatever is wrong. 

And one day, she is taken back to the moon where she had her trials. 

He’s waiting for her there. 

When she sees him, he’s wearing his mask. She drops to one knee. He’s her master now. She doesn’t remember thinking of him this way and she doesn’t recall willing herself to supplicate to him but she knows she is expected to. 

“Rise,” intones Shellish. She never learned the others’ names. “Rise, Nissa Ren.”

Deep in her, a tiny voice she thought she’d lost whispers, “That’s not my name.”


	17. A Meeting with the Supreme Leader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snoke interrogates Nissa

They have to relearn each other. She’s not the same as when she left. She eats quietly now. She talks less. She cries out in her sleep. The first time he touches her, she startles like a fathier colt. 

He supposes he’s different, too. 

They establish new rules. He will never command her unless he’s wearing his mask and they are outside their rooms. She will never question him in those situations. 

Inside their rooms, he lets her take charge. He serves two masters now, he supposes. 

She changes from the leather armor and cowls into soft grey dresses in the evenings. It lets her feel less broken. 

She no longer has a job with the First Order. She is a Knight of Ren. Hux now hurries away to some other part of the ship when he sees her. She openly walks the base and ships next to Kylo Ren, his right hand. 

He keeps her close. 

Like one does with lovers. 

And with enemies. 

***

Snoke demands to see her. He’s never cared before. 

Even stranger, he asks to see her in person. 

They take the shuttle to his ship, and ride silently on the lift to his chambers. 

The room is a red cavern, like a wound. Or a womb, Nissa thinks. Snoke’s red-clad guards stand at attention. They make her fingers twitch. 

Kylo Ren drops to one knee and Nissa follows suit, next to him. 

Snoke just watches them for a long while before he leans forward on his throne. 

“Come closer, Nissa Ren” he commands, and she stands like clockwork and walks to him, kneeling at his feet. 

He gestures and she holds out her weapon. Kylo has warned her that he will. Snoke takes it and examines it closely. 

“Tell me, why did you approach my apprentice?” he asks. 

Nissa thinks. “I don’t know. I just felt drawn to him,” she admits. 

Snoke turns his attention back to the staff, and flicks it on, the white sabers leaping out. His hairless brow rises in surprise. 

“White?” he asks, mockingly. 

“Yes, my lord,” she says. 

“Perhaps you are a spy?” Snoke accedes suddenly. Behind her, Nissa feels spikes of fear coming off Kylo’s energy. It’s the first time she’s ever felt it and known what it was. She realizes she’s felt it since the beginning but never knew what it was. 

“Because my blade is white?” she asks, confused. 

Smoke chuckles darkly. Kylo cringes, somewhere behind her. 

Snoke doesn’t ask. He doesn’t even tell her what he plans to do. Nothing in her is prepared for his assault. She is stripped bare, left naked to his mind. His greasy thoughts slam into her mind, ripping her thoughts, tearing them. His invasion slides into the crevasses of her memories. He doesn’t sift, just takes handfuls, greedy like a child. A day on Jakku when she’s nearly died falling from a high ledge in one of the wrecks; the meeting with the recruiter; moments from her training with Shellish. He spends too long watching her memories with Kylo, their intimacies and their conversations. 

Finally, he releases her. She gasps and makes to cover herself, but realizes the assault, while visceral and painful, was all in her mind. 

“I am most impressed,” Snoke drawls. “You didn’t scream.”

He turns his attention back to Kylo. “She is a true believer. You have done well. Be proud, Kylo Ren.” 

The energy coming off Kylo does not feel proud or pleased at the compliment.


	18. A mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nissa has her first mission

It’s just another morning when Kylo’s datapad beeps. He frowns the message, then motions Nissa over. 

“The Supreme Leader has a mission for you. Your first true mission,” he says. “I’ve been expecting this.”

Together they read the missive. 

It’s straightforward. A terrorist cell on a unnamed moon has been destroying shipments of First Order medical supplies. There’s a name, a few faces. It’s a one-person job, one to be done in stealth. 

Kylo looks apprehensive and worries over her like a mother prakku. 

On the jumpship, there’s a bag for her: nondescript clothing, local money, a brief on the moon. 

Once she’s moon-side, her investigation is quick but thorough. It’s large for a moon but smaller than most planets, packed with long dead volcanos and zones of rich soil, enough water to sustain crops. It would be more valuable if it wasn’t so small. It’s uninhabited by native intelligent life, so the First Order has installed crews that work in shifts. The crop is makkon, an exotic that provides raw material for sterile absorbent bandages and clothing.

In order to preserve the rich soil and maximize crop land, a single port has been set up. All the harvest is carted form the fields to the port. A trip takes about 3 planet cycles (roughly the same as 4 cycles back on the First Order ship, she notes), from the farthest field currently growing crops. She signs on to a caravan crew, just the latest recruit from off-world, and gets a blaster and a map. Pay is a half-portion each day and 25 First Order credits per day, paid at the time of delivery to the port and usable in the cantinas and few shops that surround the port.

In another lifetime, Nissa had earned 200 credits per 3-cycle to code weapons systems. The low rate of pay for such hard work is a small shock. Now, of course, she supposes pay is meaningless; she hasn’t thought much about it since she got her latest name. 

Then again, she remembers when she had another name and a quarter portion was all she got for risking her neck on Jakku in the hot sun.

The trip to the fields gives her plenty to assess. For starters, her blaster is so corroded, she spends half her first evening smoothing the metal so it won’t repeat on her and blow her head off. She mentally files her report: bad weapons. These people can’t protect themselves from anything.

The crews are, Nissa soon realizes, not the best the First Order has recruited. Maybe the blaster quality is deliberate. After a few days with the crew, it becomes obvious that some of them are more slaves than employees, particularly the aliens. The First Order is not completely hide-bound when it comes to human supremacy, but aliens aren’t usually the best treated. 

Qu’agganat, the caravan lead, is polite to her. He’s a spry character, but so gnarled she’s not sure if he’s human. She takes to walking alongside him each day and asking him questions, playing the role of wide-eyed youngster.

“Why aren’t we using any kind of transports?” Nissa asks.

“It’s planned,” he tells her, “but the operation is only a few years old here, and we haven’t gotten the shipment of transports yet.”

The road they follow leads through a series of canyons that are ridged with sharp peaks.

In the later hours of the day, she sees movement on the ridges. They aren’t alone.

Also, there’s a surprise to be discovered as they trek. She’s not alone at night either.

She’s working on the blaster, filing a piece down and missing Kylo badly They’re rarely apart except when he’s on a mission, and those don’t normally last more than 2 or 3 3-cycles. So she’s so startled when Kylo is suddenly in front of her, she almost shoots him.

“What the kriff?” she hisses at him. “What are you doing here?”

“What are YOU doing here,” he echos. You’re supposed to be on a mission.

“I AM on a mission in some misbegotten moon half a galaxy from anywhere interesting... wait, where are you?”

“In our rooms,” he says, peering at her with dawning realization. “You’re… you aren’t doing this, are you? The effort… “ he shakes his head, impatient with himself. “No. It’s not you.”

“I’m not doing anything,” she insists. “I’m in a tent on a rocky moon with a bunch of moronic caravan workers who are poorly armed, and we are walking – walking! – 3 days to pick up raw makkon.” 

Just like that, he’s gone.

The return trip reveals the problem. They follow the same route through the canyons. It’s indefensible, and the terrorists pick off the harvest with stealth. She doesn’t defend it. She’s one person against at least 25 that she can count, and she has no backup.

“Why this route?” she asks Quaggan.

He just shrugs. “It’s the path.”

None of the workers are local. They don’t know the territory.

They return with less than half the harvest they started with.

***

“First, they need decent weapons. Second, they need training. Third, I’m going in search of a defensible route.” She ticks off her suggestions to Kylo the next time he shows up in her tent. He nods, purses his lips.

She longs to touch him, but she doesn’t try. They don’t know how this works yet, and he cautions against it. He’s working on understanding it. 

Her long-neglected exploration skills come in handy. It’s not long before she’s navigated a protected route through the enormous passages of the undergrounds caverns left by millennia of volcanic activity. It’s also faster by almost a full planet cycle. She leads Qu’agganat and another caravan master through it.

She also trains a few of the less dull workers to service their blasters, and how to shoot them properly.

On the next trip, there are no disruptions.


	19. Another mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nissa’s ways are strange

Her next mission: retrieve the files from a crashed star destroyer. Terrorists have been working to get into the system and the First Order wants the information first. 

She could have done this one in her sleep. She slips in, navigates the hulking ruin, pulls the drives, and is back before the terrorists wake for morning. 

*** 

“Seriously? No casualties? Again?” Kylo has trouble processing this. 

“No. It wasn’t necessary.” She doesn’t know why it matters. 

***

“Another Agri-planet. Someone has been shorting the harvest of First Order crops. We don’t know who is doing it. Your job is to stop them.” 

This time, there are casualties. 

First Order casualties. Kylo is not pleased. Hux is on the warpath. They meet her at the port when she returns, demanding to know what happened. 

“Three officers were skimming the harvest,” she explains. “They were selling it at inflated prices to the locals, who are the same people working the fields in the first place.”

“Did you punish them?” Hux demands. 

“They’re dead. There are the bodies.”

“Not the Officers,” Kylo clarifies for Hux. 

“The locals? Of course not.” She’s indignant. 

Hux nearly explodes. “Why not?” he demands, through gritted teeth. 

She looks at him with eyes that see through his bluster and see only the petty minded bureaucrat he is. She has no energy for this feral creature, and her voice drops with condescension. 

“One: they could have stolen the harvest while working if they were bad people. Two: they are on half-rations. They need more than that for that kind of work. Three,” she adds, “the officers were pretending the sale was in an official capacity. The locals think it’s the First Order’s idea. Those workers are loyal, even though they’re hungry. So why would I punish them?” 

She pauses, then addresses Kylo again, effectively cutting Hux out of the conversation. Hux smolders. 

“I also told the officers I left in charge to bring the workers back to full rations. You can’t work all day on a half. Turns out the shortage of rations was another scam by the same three. We will save 13% on the operation even with the full rations reinstated.”

Hux is silent in his rage, but Kylo is impressed. He’d have killed a local as a warning and never bothered to even question the ration shortages. Hux would have probably tried to get in on the grift, he thinks. 

Later, in their rooms he gazes at her with unmistakable awe. 

“You’re amazing,” he says quietly. She favors him with a smile that feels like the sun breaking through clouds after a storm. 

***

Her missions continue: usually cleanup jobs, or information retrieval. People just tell her things like they’ve known and trusted her all their lives, and when there’s data to be extracted from machines or excavated from wreckage or ruins, she excels. 

He’s using her for these cleanup jobs while he works on bigger problems, including the way they can appear to each other. That particular ability seems largely unique to them. Instinctively, he hides it from Snoke. 

She takes longer to clean up the messes, but she usually solves the problems with minimal killing and roots out a surprising amount of corruption. Most honest parties are happier about the outcome. He begins to learn where the corruption lies by observing the officers involved. 

Smoke seems perplexed but possibly amused by her low body count. Still, he clearly thinks it might be a problem. 

“Is she soft?” he demands. 

Nothing about that woman is soft, Kylo thinks, at least nothing he’s going to share with the Supreme Leader. 

“I just don’t think killing comes naturally to her, and she comes up with other ways,” he explains. 

Smoke demands to see her alone, and when she returns, she’s white and shaken but after that, Snoke seems satisfied. She’s passed another test. 

Her blade remains white. She doesn’t even know this is unexpected. 

She’s not happy, though. She sees things on her mission that leave her unsettled. 

“The children,” she tells him, “are being starved. Almost every place I go, I see them. Skinny wretches. Like I was.” 

“That’s just how things are. The strong survive.” Kylo tells her. He’s baiting her but she misses that in her fury. 

Enraged, she demands, “What kind of strong? The bullies, sure. The kids who want to grow up to be like Hux. There are other ways to be strong but those kids aren’t going to survive to realize their potential.”

What troubles him is that she’s much too smart to not figure things out, and once she’s determined a course of action, he won’t be able to stop her. 

He needs to get them out of here. He needs her in the dark just a while longer. 

While he figures out some way to extract them for good.


	20. Destiny rising

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A group mission

“A new mission. A group one, this time,” he tells her. 

“Details?”

“Later, when we aren’t here,” he says and she nods. When he is her master again, not her lover. 

He braids her hair for her, nimble fingers weaving it into a warrior’s style - tight braids on the side that fall to a multitude of braids around her shoulders. She silently questions his expertise, but by now he knows what she’s thinking and never tries to hide it. 

“My mother,” he says quietly. “Her elaborate hairstyles were renowned. I used to braid her hair sometimes when she had... meetings.” She wonders why he hesitated. Some mystery surrounds his parentage. She’s never asked and he’s never offered. His energy spikes with difficult emotions. 

“Will I ever meet her?” she asks. 

“I don’t know,” he says, honestly. Part of him wants to kill the wretched woman and that man she married - he won’t honor him with the title of father. A deeper part doesn’t ever want to face that choice. He knows his mother is one of his weaknesses.

Han is too, but he refuses to admit it even to himself. It’s easy to hate a scoundrel. 

They dress silently. 

He kisses her before he puts on his mask and she hers. 

“Be careful,” he says. “I’d like you to survive.”

She nods gravely. “I’d prefer that I survive as well,” she says, a hint of humor in her steely voice. 

He realizes that’s just how she jokes now. 

Her mask is a half-mask that covers her mouth and nose. It filters all manners of toxins and poisons and it turns her into a terrifying presence, only her eyes visible, flashing and bright. 

She takes his hand, their gloves between them. Then they step through their door and she drops it, taking her place at his right. Protector. Defender. Enforcer. Dark angel to his battle priest. 

At the launchpad, two more of their party await. 

“Nissa Ren,” he says formally. “Linae Ren.” He indicates the small woman who could have killed her. She is not masked. Their eyes meet. “You are allies now.” 

They both nod. 

“Conal Ren,” he says to a taller knight. “These are your new fellows.” Conal bows his head slightly. 

Kylo turns and boards his ship, and they follow. 

“Why did you arrive with him?” hisses Linae. 

She doesn’t deign to answer. 

“I bested you. I should be at his side.” Linae mutters. 

So much for allies. 

Conal steps between them. The Force prickles angrily. 

***

The ship drops them to the surface and Kylo Ren finally briefs them on the mission as they descend. 

“We are here to retrieve important data, a chip,” he explains. “The man who has it will not give it up easily. Conal, you will be handling the enforcement. Linae, searches. And back up for Conal. Nissa, with me.”

They all nod. Linae looks murderous. 

They hit the ground surrounded by Stormtroopers and villagers. It’s chaos. Conal and Linae hurry away. 

“Nissa, I want you to see what you can find in the old man’s mind. Or anyone else’s.” Kylo Ren orders. 

Two troopers throw an old man heavily to his knees at their feet. 

Nissa looks at Kylo and he nods, once. 

She looks into the old man’s eyes and skims the surface then delves. Her connection is a silk touch compared to his iron fist. He wonders if he can learn her methods. His own training never allowed for nuance but he sees how practical her methods are. The old man looks at her like a long-lost child or a sweetheart as she caresses his mind. 

“He doesn’t have it,” she says, then turns, stalking away, heedless of the old man’s pleading look. She’s got a thread of thought, like a scent. 

She follows it to see a man talking to a small droid in the distance. He hasn’t seen her yet. He kneels down and does something to the droids, which beeps and rolls away. She skims his mind. 

He had the chip and now the droid has it. He hunkers down and begins to fire on the troopers, but she decides to skirt the man and follow the droid. 

Linae materializes from the darkness and blocks her. 

“Where are you going?” she demands. “Running away?” 

“I’m doing my job,” Nissa spits through clenched teeth. The droid is getting away. She follows it with her eyes over Linae’s shoulder. 

“I don’t trust you,” says Linae, thrusting herself into Nissa’s line of sight and cutting the droid from Nissa’s vision. 

Nissa doesn’t bother to explain herself further. Her weapon is in her hands and powered on instantly. 

“We were commanded to be allies. If you are not my ally, you are not his ally,” Nissa hisses. 

She swings. Linae parries and drives her vibro-ax at Nissa’s head. Nissa ducks and slams her shoulder into the smaller woman’s middle, knocking them both off their feet, the ax clattering away. Nissa lands on top of Linae, white blade held overhead, pointing at the small woman’s face. 

“Master Ren,” she says through gritted teeth, “trains me specially because we are both Force users. You may have missed this small detail. Why I am with him beyond that is none of your business. Are we clear?” Her face is contorted in the light of the blade. 

Linae nods. 

Nissa thumbs the saber off but as she begins the stand to let the smaller woman up, Linae draws her dagger from a hidden sheath. She slashes Nissa’s thigh but before she can bring it in for another blow, Nissa reignites her saber through Linae’s head. 

“Sorry, Kylo,” Nissa thinks. “You’re going to need another Knight.”

The man who was with the droid is gone, and Nissa has not seen what happened. She senses Kylo’s force signature working overtime. She wonders what he’s doing. 

The droid is long gone. 

In the dark, she can just see the droid’s track leading out into the desert. 

She follows, limping.


	21. Desert walks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A droid has it

The mission is a failure. The old man passed the chip to the Resistance fighter but the rebel no longer has it. 

Kylo wonders if the man may have swallowed it. 

Linae is dead. The wound in her head is cauterized. A lightsaber wound. 

Nissa is gone. There’s a trail of blood. 

He despairs what may have happened. Too many scenarios. 

***

The droid has gotten too much of a head start and Nissa trudges much too slowly through the sand until the pinks of sunrise begin the prick the corners of the sky. 

This place feels eerily familiar, like something from a dream. 

She sees something up ahead. 

***

Bee-Bee-Ate rolls through the sand like a shot, with no other goal than to put space between himself and the fighting. He’s never been in sand before but he’s built for all surfaces. He rolls through the night and the next day. 

Sometime in the next evening, he’s beset by a creature - some kind of lizard thing mounted on a quadruped. The lizard’s net catches Bee-Bee-Ate and there’s not much the droid can do. 

No one comes to save him on this harsh world. He’s on his own. 

He waits until the lizard thing dismounts and when it tries to power him down, he shocks it, hard. The creature is knocked back and expires in the sand. 

Now Bee-Bee-Ate just needs to get free of the net. He sets to work with his burning and sawing tools and is free in a few minutes with minimal damage except for a bent antenna. Maybe he will find a kind person to fix it for him, he hopes. 

***

The dead Teedo and the burned and shredded net tell a story. 

Part of that story is this: She’s back on Jakku. 

She files her shock away for later, and returns to her the trudge through the sand. The droid can’t be far. 

She walks past the remains of an AT-AT, and feels a vague pang of memory. She does not go in. 

On she goes, until the tents and flags of Nima Outpost beckon in the distance. 

***

“No I will not pay you for it!” she tells the small striped alien indignantly. She can see the droid is cowering behind him, under burlap sacks. “I know the origin of this droid and I know it isn’t yours.” She palms her weapon and the striped alien finds something to do elsewhere. 

“I know you’ve got the chip. Give it to me and I’ll fix your antenna,” she tells the droid who would laugh at the irony if it could laugh. 

The droid utters a string of digital profanities. It has interesting opinions about organic sexual practices and what she can do with the chip. 

“Fine,” she says. She pulls a clamp from a pocket and slaps it on the ball droid. 

The droid goes dark. The clamp turns off its free will. It’s now just a robot. 

“Let’s go,” she says and they begin the long trudge back. The little droid trails behind her.


	22. Finding Nissa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nissa gets snippy when she’s tired

“There she is.” Conal points through the window of the shuttle. They are cruising the surface looking for Nissa and he’s spotted her trudging through the sand. 

“Set us down,” orders Kylo Ren, careful that his voice does not betray his relief. 

The shuttle descends and he has to keep himself from running down the gangway to her. 

She trudges up. She doesn’t even have the good graces to look surprised to see him. 

“The droid has the chip. I’ve been tracking it since night before last. I’m exhausted. Did you know this is the planet where I was recruited from? Oh and if that wasn’t enough, Linae had a problem with me. I took care of it. I’m going to get some sleep now. My lord.” This last is delivered as sarcastically as she dares in the presence of others. 

Nissa shoulders right past him, into the shuttle, the droid trailing obediently behind her, and sinks into a seat. 

She’s asleep before he’s even back on the shuttle.


	23. A New Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to Jakku

“That was good work you... “ he starts. 

“Nope. We are inside. If you want to discuss this, put on your mask and let’s go outside.”

“I just... you did a good job.” Kylo is befuddled. 

She rolls her eyes and softens. “Thank you. But I don’t want to talk about it. Tomorrow? Please?”

He nods. They are in the rooms they call theirs. She’s in charge. 

He kneels in front of her, pulls off her boots, and rubs her feet until she moans. 

***

Before breakfast, he joins her in the fresher. It’s not built for two. 

“Listen,” he drops his voice. “Get the chip out of the droid. Put it somewhere. Don’t tell me or anyone else where. Don’t tell anyone about it.”

“Is that an order, my lord?,” she asks sardonically. 

“No. It’s a request. Just... Menissa, don’t. Please.” 

He looks desperate. 

She nods. 

He’s clearly planning something. But what? 

***

He works the best pilot on the Resistance over with a variety of techniques. He scours the man’s mind. 

He sees his mother, whom he knows is this man’s General. His guts twist at the memories he uncovers. 

*** 

“The pilot gave the chip to a droid.” Kylo tells Snoke. “We believe we have the droid. We will soon have the chip.”

“Well done, my apprentice,” Snoke beams. “And your new knights? I understand there was an altercation?”

“Linae apparently questioned my orders. Nissa took umbrage.”

“She is truly your creature.” 

Kylo hates the thought. 

“Unquestioningly,” he agrees. 

“What are her strengths?”

“Will power. She’s brilliant and thinks of novel solutions. She’s a natural fighter. I suspect she’ll be a great pilot. A leader.”

Snoke purses his lips. “A white kyber. She rarely kills. Light side powers? Nothing Dark?”

“She knows nothing of the light side, nor the dark.” Kylo notes. “She doesn’t think of herself in that dichotomy. I believe that’s why her crystal hasn’t bled.”

Snoke nods thoughtfully. “Well done, well done.” Snoke fades away. “You may continue her training.”

“With pleasure, my lord,” he thinks. 

***

A Stormtrooper and the pilot escape. Hux is mortified but Kylo doesn’t care. He has what he needs. 

*** 

The droid is in pieces across the floor where they usually spar. Two sets of schematics are pinned to the wall. Nissa is staring at them in frustration when Kylo enters. 

She turns to him and the frustration is plain. 

“It’s not here. I know you didn’t want to know but... it’s just gone.” she says. 

This changes things, thinks Kylo. 

“Where could it be?”

The look in Nissa’s eyes is angrier and more terrifying than anything Kylo’s ever seen. “I think I know who has it. We have to go back to Nima Outpost.”

She’s never thought anyone in their right mind would want to go to Jakku, much less go back to Jakku after having escaped it twice. 

*** 

“I really hate sand,” Kylo comments. It’s already in his boots. 

“You should try living here,” Nissa retorts. “It gets everywhere.”

They are standing at the base of the gangplank of their ship, surveying the outpost. Nissa has a calculating look on her face. 

“Kylo,” she says carefully. “There are enslaved children here. Why does the First Order let places like this thrive?” 

“The First Order doesn’t care about places like this. Neither does the New Republic nor the Resistance.”

He shrugs.

Nissa looks troubled by this. “What are we fighting for, then? I thought we were trying to end lawlessness, but this...” she gestures. “It’s worse than anarchy.”

Kylo shakes his head. “I wondered when you’d ask,” he says. “Do you want to fix it?”

She nods. 

“First, let’s get that chip.”

Nissa squares her shoulders. “Ok. I’m ready.” 

*** 

Nissa leans into the window. The blubbery alien starts up a racket of indignation. Who do they think they are? He has business to attend to. The same old air. 

“Unkar Plutt, shut up until you’re asked a question,” Nissa tells him. 

Plutt’s eyes roll around in his head and he makes a series of fish faces. But he shuts up. 

Kylo stands back. This is her moment and he loves watching her work. 

“Three nights ago, a droid came here. It was carrying property that belongs to me. I want it back. Do you have it?”

“If I do, it’s my property now!” he proclaims. 

“Plutt, it’s not yours. It’s ours.” says Kylo. “And you don’t want to piss her off.” 

“Too late,” Nissa says through clenched teeth. “You will give it to us now.”

The lack of willpower in Plutt’s bloated head is stunning. Kylo can practically see the Force of Menissa’s will turning the wheels in his fishy brain. 

“I’ll just get that for you,” says Plutt. One of his slaves had found it under a pile of sacks, and it had only cost Plutt a quarter portion. He could afford to lose it. These nice people deserved their chip back. 

While Plutt rummaged for the chip, Kylo steps away. There’s some kind of disturbance happening. A man is arguing with an alien, and it’s getting louder and more animated. 

He drifts his mind over the alien’s and picks up that he’s angry about something regarding his livestock and stolen water. 

The man he’s arguing with is wearing black First Order body gloves. 

Kylo almost laughs. 

“FN-2187,” he shouts. 

The traitorous Stormtrooper swings his head around in terror and runs. 

Nissa, the chip in hand, turns to see Kylo walking quickly away, not quite running. 

Nissa follows. 

They exit the central tent, which is when Kylo stops and gasps. 

The Force certainly moves in unexpected ways. There, under a grey tarp flapping in the wind, is a ship he knows too well. 

The traitor forgotten, he walks her toward the ship and pulls at the tarp. His father’s ship. His ship, by rights. A hunk of junk that he loved as a child. 

“Do you have the chip?” he asks Nissa. 

“Yes!” She holds it up to show him. 

The universe holds its breath, destiny teetering on its edge, almost balanced. 

Kylo has seen the rest of the map. It’s lodged in his mind. With the chip, they can finally begin to make things right. 

“Do you trust me?” he asks.

“Is that a joke?” 

“Let me ask a different way. Are you mine? Or do you belong to the First Order?” If he’s wrong, he will die. But he thinks he’s right. 

Nissa stills, taken aback. “Master Ren...” her voice quavers with shock at being asked such an absurd question. 

“Stop.” He says. “Forget that for a moment.” He pauses and takes off his mask. “Menissa, I am yours. Not Snoke’s. Not the First Order’s. Yours.”

The moment stretches. Plutt is bellowing in the background, getting closer. “That’s mine!” he yells at them. “You can’t take that!”

Nissa turns like a snake, and her sabers swish out, taking him in the belly. 

“Your slaving days are done,” she hisses. Plutt slides into the sand, gasping as he expires. 

He’s already forgotten as she turns back to Kylo. If she’s wrong, she will die. But she thinks she’s right. This is no test. 

“Yours. Only yours. Always yours,” she says. 

He drops the mask and takes off his gloves, and then his belt and coat, and drops them in the sand, one by one. He stands there in only his pants and boots and shirt. Let Hux come looking for them in the sand. 

He opens the hatch to the long lost ship. 

“Let’s go,” he says. “Let’s fix the mess that the First Order and the New Republic have created.”

Nissa hesitates, looking at the mask lying in the sand, then back at the man standing on the gangway now. 

He reaches a hand out to her. 

“Please?” he asks. He remembers that he can’t command her. 

She takes his hand and they walk up the gangway together.


End file.
